On Intuition w/ Ali Stoner

Ali Stoner (Black Rabbit, Chicago Med, Daredevil: Born Again...) on what the job of a working actor actually looks like today. This episode of Authenticated is where Kate and Ali sit with eyes on the 20/20 hindsight lens to trace Ali's evidence map and connect it to how she's learning to trust her own intuition.

Episode Context: At the time of the recording, Ali was splitting her time between New York and Los Angeles as a newly bicoastal actor, in the middle of prime commercial and TV pilot season while preparing for a four month regional theater run at a LORT D theater in Miami.

Ali and Kate walk through what the job of an actor actually is for Ali now: hundreds of self tapes shot alone in a bedroom, sometimes up to eight voiceover auditions in a single week, commercial auditions that when booked pay the bills, and all with the understanding that the paid work you book on set is the reward for all the unpaid work of constantly auditioning on your own time. Kate's hunch is that the same instinct that lets Ali treat a bad self tape as just data to refine, rather than a verdict to fear, is exactly what a decade in the New York theater scene fosters; and breeds the kind of conviction that leads to "just leap" into the direction of your instincts. 

The two find their way into what Ali defines as her "creative container," the difference between taping to do it right and taping to authentically communicate something true, and how a book on intuition cracked open her understanding that gut instinct isn't the opposite of logic, it's logic she's already lived through.

This episode is an opportunity to reflect on what it actually costs to keep choosing the expansive option, and what your gut already knows before your brain catches up. It is a striking example of intuition at work in an acting career, in a friendship rekindled IRL after a decade on each other's parasocial sidelines, and in the daily decisions that quietly define who you're becoming.

Show Notes:

Ali Stoner Instagram: @ali.stonerrr

Ali Stoner Website 

Kate McLeod Website

Authenticated All Access

Transcript

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It's just like, nope. It's like, I'm actually done. Thank you. Yeah. Like I'm not walking
anymore. Well, I always grew up with big dogs, so I don't want a little dog because I like know
when I take that dog home to my family, they're going to make fun of me and they're going to be
like, what is this purse dog? What has the city done to you? Yes. Welcome to the latest episode
of Authenticated, an active listening space, inviting you to a playground of creative
conversations. I'm your host, Kate McLeod. I am insatiably curious and I love optimizing my
creativity, especially my creative thinking, because it leads me to creative solutions. It's
a method of my creativity. I practice and share out loud to inspire more independent thinking
in a world pushing conformity. So join me with an arsenal of creative thinkers from multi-hyphenate
artists to entrepreneurs or niche experts willing to think out loud with me as I continue to explore
and define the creative conscious. Still sounds hot, right?
Allie Stoner, welcome to the podcast. You're so professional. Thank you. Thank you for having
me. You being here, it feels unreal. We were saying earlier, it's been probably a decade since
we've seen each other in person. It's nuts. It's nuts. But since then, I've been watching and
we've casually- Yeah, we've been following, we've been lurking on each other. Yeah, exactly.
In a good way. In a good way. Yeah. But you are the perfect person to talk to this season about
what it really means and looks like for you to be like a working actor these days. Yeah. You're doing
procedurals. You're doing commercials. You're between both coasts. Like, take it away. Tell us what it
looks like. I'm pinching myself. Honestly, I can't believe that I'm here. It looks like a lot of chaos,
but like happy chaos. I think it happens both by having really good people working for you. Like,
I love, love, love my team of reps. And I also just feel like you kind of have to prove to the
universe how badly you want it. And then things fall into place. I'm very much like a, you're making your
own luck type of person. I've diversified in a lot of ways. I do voiceovers. So I'm probably getting like,
sometimes it's two voiceover auditions a week. And sometimes it's eight voiceover auditions a week.
I'm doing commercials in a good week. That looks like two or three auditions in LA. Those are all
in person now. And then theatrically one or two auditions coming in as well from there. And I'm
taping. I honestly, I feel like what my life looks like. It's a lot of me just making weird videos by
myself in my room. That is the job of today's working actor. And then once you get to be on set,
the work is the reward for like everything that you're doing behind the scenes. Like Brian Cranston
has that viral TikTok, or I don't know if you've seen it, where he's like, your job as an actor is
to be auditioning, is to sort of like give them all of these sketches. That's what you're doing.
You're not paid to be doing that, but that is your job. And I've really taken that to heart. I think
like this year and last year, the job is to be consistently interviewing. And then when you actually get to
be on set, it's the reward. And that's just like a big party.
Well, I mean, even the joy that just like came out of you and you're like, I make weird videos in my
room. Like, it seems like you're really hanging on to the fun that is the process until that job,
which is like the accolade of working actor when working actor really looks like making silly
videos in your room. Yeah. But I think, you know, there are a lot of people who like hate self
tapes and I, I luckily am not one of those people. My dad says that I have recency bias, which is that
like, I like wherever I am and whatever I'm doing. I mean, that's a good bias. It's good,
but I don't know. I like kind of go into a little taping hole and like, I like taping and then
watching and sort of like being a director and figuring out like what's working, what's not
working both like technically. And even sometimes it's just like costume wise. I'm like, I don't know.
She doesn't look like she works at a coffee shop. Why doesn't she look like this? And trying to figure it
out, I go back and forth, like I'll tape and then I'll watch and then I'll tape and then I'll watch.
And a lot of my creative process now is the first couple of times I do it is kind of like a warmup
into finding whatever it is. And then eventually when it clicks, it's so exciting. I'm like, yeah,
yeah, now we're cooking with gas. Like it's so fun. Yeah. I love that part of a process where,
because like for me, I don't really enjoy the process of memorizing. I don't think it's important.
I honestly don't think it's important now. I think so many people go immediately to what am I going to
wear and what are the lines? How do I get the lines in my head? First of all, when you're taping,
just this is, I'm just telling everyone that I cheat. I cheat. I read off of a teleprompter often
or stuff, but what they're hiring you for is your point of view and your body and your voice as an
instrument for the words. They already have somebody who's done the words. So as long as you're like
honoring the writer and saying what actually needs to be said, like, I think that the most important
thing is to be focusing on story and your place in the story. And I think it's also really important
to track the thoughts. When I'm taping, I think a lot of studios use this now, but I actually use my
hand. I cover up the page and I read the first line of text. I figure out like what my authentic
thought would be in relationship to the other character's line. And I say it out loud or I write it down.
And then I sort of see what my line is like before I've even read it as a cold read or anything. I try
and catch the organic, authentic thoughts of what my body, what Allie would actually think to the
other person's line. And then start to map that subtext or that thought onto the line. It's just a
nerdy actor thing. Like little, little bits and pieces like that are what I love and adore now is
just like trying to figure out what are the little, what are the tricks? What is my process? It's
different for every project. But, um, yeah, I geek out. That is the best kind of, we were just talking
earlier about like theater nerdom. Yes. And it's like, where you're like, Oh, I get to learn what my
thought is. I get to like learn more about myself now. And I've never done that. That's I'm going to
try that. That's really cool. But I, I like the learning of like what I don't know. Yeah. And I'm like,
Oh, well then what, what do I get to learn? Like, what do I get to know about this specific time or
this place or this person? The knowledge is what gets the giddy for me. Yeah. And then,
so yours is the reflective nature of like, well, where do I fit in this? Yeah. It's where do I fit
in this? And also like, what do I know about the human experience that I want to say with it? I was
coaching on an audition with someone and I was like, man, I'm just not quite, I don't know why it's not
locking in. And she sat me down and she was like, Allie, it's because of your container. Like you are
doing everything correctly. You have warmed up, you have done your text analysis, you have the lines
memorized, you look the part, but all of this, it seems today, all of this has been done in order to
do it right. So you can be liked and get the job. Like it's a very, very sort of older sister energy.
Like I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. Right. And so the container is like, I want to do it. Right.
I want to do it. Right. She was like, can you shift the container to just be, I want to communicate
something that I know and love about being a human. She was like, that's what I use, but maybe there's
something different for you. But what is the container that's actually going to light you up
and put you in a creative state? Cause right now it happens to be, you just want to do it to do a good
job. Yeah. Which in itself is a reward sometimes. Like it feels great to be a shark and to be like
good at what you do, but it's not necessarily like the most expansive container to be in. And so when
I'm struggling with something, which happens all the time, like every time you sit down to tape,
it's difficult. There's not some, sometimes there's one that I'm like, yeah, yeah, we're going to knock
this out and it happens, but more often than not, I think I'm going to knock it out. And then like
two hours later, I have maybe one take that I like or something. But for me this year, I'm really
working on what is the creative container and the container that puts me in a creative state.
Oh, I like that. Your own environment, not even the tangible, but the intangible of like,
how do I get to this space without limiting myself? And what is the state that perpetuates,
that grows once I enter? Exactly. Yeah. And the why of it, like I'm not doing it in order to
whatever I'm making weird robot movements for people who are listening to the podcast,
but how do you get into a place of freedom and play rather than just like, I need to do it correctly.
The concrete facts can sometimes bog you down a little bit in that way where you get,
because you're so focused on wanting to do it right. Yeah. That you're like, okay,
well, what do I know? And it's like, well, okay. Or we could focus on what you don't know. And maybe
that's kind of exciting. Or allow for what you don't know. Allow.
I think really, to me, the creative state is being in a place where you can be open to,
because all of our favorite moments are the moments that were unplanned. Like Ed Norton's
monologue in The Invite. I heard recently, or maybe watched recently, that was completely
improvised. So many moments in that movie, you can tell came out of improvisation or just like being
open to the moment. There are people who, some actors can do it. Like some actors can be very
technical and they're like, I know that this is how I want this to play out. I know that my eyeline's
going to be here. I know this is how my face is going to look for this particular reaction. But
all of my favorite moments are moments where like the experience is happening organically.
You're much more experiential and less technical. I think there's always this balance between precision
and spontaneity. There has to be some precision. If you're working on camera, there just has to be.
You have to be aware of where it is. You have to be aware of what it's catching. But I always love my
work when I'm pushing myself towards the spontaneity rather than like being bogged down in the precision.
So when you say putting yourself towards the spontaneity, like in your work, when it comes to an audition,
do you think that excitement or that attraction to doing that for you was helpful for you leaving New York?
Not leaving New York, but becoming bi-coastal and entering an entirely new market after being in one specific one
for like basically a decade, right?
Yeah. Yeah. It was 10 years. I was in New York for 10 years and I was not leaving. Like there was nothing.
I was in New Yorker through and through. My team had told me, they'd been like, you have sort of a fast rhythm.
You have like a quirky haircut. We think you'd be better in the LA market. But I was like, no,
I'm staying in New York. I'm not leaving. And then a relationship took me out to LA and
I don't know. At some point you just have to, it's cliche, but you just have to leap. So much of this
industry, like it makes sense that so many actors are so woo woo because you have to be so comfortable
with unknowing and the unknown. It wasn't a big decision about doing what scares me in the sort of
cliche that people way that people talk about it. I just felt like I'd done New York. I'd been here for
10 years, 12, if you count the two that I left for the pandemic. So it felt like, why not try
Los Angeles? And I love it. Like the meme that I have quoted to everyone over the past two years of
being there is that LA is shitty heaven and New York is fun hell. And that's really what it feels like
to me. Okay. Wait, I've never heard that one. And that is amazing. It's good. It's good. Cause it is
heaven. It's, I mean, there are palm trees, it's warm, it's cozy, it's comforting. Everyone's beautiful,
but it's a little bit shitty and New York. Yeah. I, I never even had like a, I never had a washer dryer
in my apartment. So, you know, I'm, I love it and I am running into people on the subway all the time.
I'm out at bars. There are a lot of like great third spaces in New York in a way that there aren't in LA,
but yeah, I'm also carting my laundry around and sweating on the subway, et cetera, et cetera.
But telling ourselves that we absolutely love it. We love it.
Yeah. I do love it though. I do love it. Do you agree with that thought? I've heard so many people say,
if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere specifically with the entertainment industry.
I think it's easier to go from New York to LA than to go from LA to New York. Okay. That's kudos to you.
Cause that's what you did. Yeah. But I think, I don't know, New York, there's smaller spaces.
The thing about New York is that I think people give each other emotional space because there's no
physical space. So, you know, you think of somebody like crying on the subway and people just hand a
tissue, you know, nobody asks questions. They just sort of like hand a tissue over or give somebody the
emotional space. That's a lovely observation. It's like a, it's an offering really to like let someone
do what they're doing. Whereas in LA, it's an offering to like ask, what are you working on?
Or have I seen you in anything? Or do I know you from somewhere? That seems to be the question that
people ask to suss out how fancy you are or not. How valuable you might be to them. Yeah. Yeah.
I've been at parties recently. It's never happened to me. Like it didn't really happen to me in New
York. Maybe because I was like circling in downtown theater scenes where everyone's like naked and
rolling on the floor together. Like in LA, now I'm at like fancy parties where people are like, do I know you
from somewhere? To try and figure out what use I am to them. Usually I'm like, I look like I could be a lot of
people's cousins. So that's a good one. I think that like effectively also diverts like the conversation you
don't want to have. And, but still is like kind enough. Um, but when you have New York and the New York
acting scene and theater scene under your belt for a decade, and then you get this opportunity, I don't
want to say like restart, but I guess. It was kind of though. It's like a reintroduction because the
industries are different. Like in, and there's crossover. I mean, obviously right now you see stunt
casting on Broadway all the time. Like there's a ton of TV actors and film actors doing Broadway shows.
The film and television industry cares less about theater than the theater industry cares about film
and television. Some people are bitter about that. I don't really take it personally. I'm like, if a
star is going to make people come see the show, like, don't you want people to, don't you want butts in
seats? Like, don't you want people to come see the thing? I, I, um, I don't know. I'm a little bit
more gentle with that type of casting than other people. I understand it's really frustrating when
you yourself have developed a project. It's happened to a bunch of my friends. You like go through
whatever the six years of workshopping a play only to be replaced by a name because the producing team
needs a name, but the producing team needs a name if they want it to stay open or whatever it is. So I,
I get it. How did New York help me? Let me think about it. Well, I also think that you can
coming from so much experience to be like, okay, so this is new ground and pinpointing more effectively
how to hit the ground running. Yeah, I think so. Definitely. I always ask whenever I meet with a
casting director or whenever I take a class, the question I asked is like, what don't I know? Like,
what should I be asking you? What don't I know? I had a lot of trouble getting an agent early on in New
York and I wasn't even really doing that much, but I would, you know, I would go to these like one-on-ones
and sit. And I think it was James Caleri who I, we had like five minutes with him at the end of the
session. And I was like, what, what are, what's your advice? How do I get someone? It's so different
now, by the way, like I got my manager off a cold email and I just spoke at NYU to the kids there at NYU
Los Angeles. And they were like, how do I get an agent? I'm like, I have no idea. I do not know.
But I remember Caleri telling me, what are you saying to these agents when you sit down and meet
with them as a young artist? And I'm like, well, I'm saying that I love Chekhov, that I studied in
Moscow, that my dream is to be in a physical theater company. And he's like, so you're basically
telling them that you're never going to make them any money. That's literally what I, yeah.
You're telling them that you're going to be booked out all the time. You're going to be working on
projects that are passion projects and do not pay. He was like, in a very kind and creative way was
like, when you tell your story, you also have to explain to them that you will be of benefit to
them, that you're going to be able to make the money. And at that point is when I randomly coincided
with my first television booking, but it came from my theater friends. So I was doing a show,
it was like a, you know, you do one workshop and then you do the second workshop and it was kind
of getting bigger and bigger and bigger. My friend from University of Virginia, Taylor, had then gone
on to study translation and rhythm specifically in translation of plays. And so she was working on
a play that she had translated from French. And we kind of kept doing kind of like bigger and bigger
deal workshops of it. And finally the, one of the later workshops had one of the casting directors
from Warner brothers on it. So from that I was put on a list to like be a reader at Warner brothers.
And I went in reading the part and I read the part all day. And at the end of the day,
the casting director was like, Ali, would you like to read for this? And I said, absolutely.
And I booked it. I went in and the first time, even though I'd been reading the part all day,
as soon as I did it and I was on the other side of the camera, I went up on my lines. Like it was a
total disaster. And the casting director was kind enough to be like, okay, cool. Like take a breath,
try again. That experience in theater was what tracked to my first TV booking. So definitely like
your career is made up of talent, but it's also made up of relationships. And so it's crazy that this
like relationship of something so esoteric as rhythm in translation of plays, specifically French
translation of plays leads to me booking a part like opposite Julianne Moore. It's crazy to me, but,
but yeah, New York set the scene in a way that I think was useful.
I want to say kudos to you for saying that so directly to a group of students who you so
desperately want to have the answer for. I want to help them so bad. I, but I have no idea. Like
it's changed so much. It has. And that kind of like healed my inner wounded student a little bit for
you to be like, yeah, I have no idea. And, and you know, it's like, I, and I, I feel like I'm always
trying to answer that question because there are always younger people in the industry who are like,
how do I do this? How do I do this? And I'm like, at your point right now, I don't know, but what I
can tell you is like consistent with how I feel about it. And what you just said about that first
TV opportunity is that you put yourself in the spaces that you feel good in, that you enjoy being
in, and that will lead to something eventually. Yeah. Your entry point into whatever success it is,
however you define it is by you doing what you like doing and where you shine the best,
which is, if that's in developmental theater, then absolutely go for that. And I think the fall
trap of a lot of creatives is, I'm just going to say the blanket statement. I'm assuming that most of
us are neurodivergent, but we get so excited. Neuro spicy. Um, we get so excited to be like,
what can I do? Everything. Here's like, you know, the 96 hats that I can wear when really,
when you're having a conversation with one person who has a primary focus, you need to answer a
couple of questions for them. One, how am I going to enjoy working with you? How are you going to
be someone that has a potential to make money that I can make a percentage off of? Yeah. How are you
going to satisfy me as for sure a talented artist, but also as the business yourself or the business?
And so do you love theater? Yes. But honing in on what, not version of you, but what assembly of you
in partnership with that person is of service, is of service. Yeah. Is of service. I said,
I don't know to these kids. And then I was like, what I can offer you is that I feel like what was
helpful to me is that I always, not always, but was trying to always pick the mode of expansion.
Like I think if you're struggling between two hard decisions, pick the one that you feel like in your
gut feels expansive, feels like it's going to teach you something new and try not to make too many
lateral moves, whatever that means to you. The shark in me loves that, loves trying to figure out, okay,
is this sort of like plateauing me or is this pushing me forward in any way? And I think that's
smart in this business, you know, that's kind of the brainy way to say it, but there's a feeling that
I get internally, like a soul feeling of something like this is going to open my energy up in a way
that maybe if I did this other thing or turn down this opportunity that I'd feel like a little bit
smaller. Like I just, I, the conversation with my reps recently, I'm going to work on a new play.
It's a co-production in with two theaters in Florida and one is sort of a smaller theater.
The other's like a big Lord D theater in Miami, but it's going to put me out for four months,
kind of in like prime commercial episodic season. And my reps were like, we don't like this.
And I was like, I don't know. I really want to do the play. Like I really, really want to do the play.
And it's a really, really good play. And ultimately I had to make the call to be like this, this is what,
even though it maybe doesn't feel like whatever TV expansive, it feels expansive to me. It feels
like something that I haven't done before. So, um, yeah, I'm really excited about it. And that,
so when I'm talking, yeah, when I'm talking to people like that, it's like, you can give prompts
like that, but the actual nitty gritty of how one navigates social media. Like I feel like for us,
the answer was always make your own work, like extrovert your talent, make your own work,
which I think still it's a good note, but it almost feels like it feels relevant to them in such a
different way than it was for us. Now it's definitely still make your own work, but it's also find creative
ways to introduce yourself to people. And how do you show who you are? Because I think this is the time
when person first is a bit more attractive than completed work. When you said what's expansive for
you. So with you having a team and having a nice connection to your intuition, that is your creativity.
When do you know to go between the two routes between this is expanding my creativity, which is
what I need to sustain for the whole job, or I need to make this strategic decision because I do need
to be available during these times of prime TV and prime commercial time.
I think for me, choosing the expansive option is about choosing who you want to be. And there's a
TED talk that I listened to maybe when I was in college sometime. And she basically says that when
you're making a hard decision, hard decisions are hard because it's, it's not like one choice is
obviously better than the other. It's not like at one job, you're going to be making a trillion dollars.
And at the other job, you're going to be making $2. It's like, you know, a choice like,
do I live in New York or do I live in Los Angeles? It's more complicated. There's so many unknowns
and you have to rely more on your intuition. Your intuition is like created by your values.
And so, you know, if the choice is, am I going to wear black socks or am I going to wear orange
socks today? Like, do I want to be a black sock person or do I want to be an orange sock person?
Like, do I want to be a New York person or do I want to be an LA person? Sometimes the decision is,
I don't even know what that means. Let me do some research and gather information to understand what
that means. For me, when I was making this decision, it was like, do I want to keep myself available for
work that may not even be there? Or do I want to be a theater actor? And I really, really, for this
particular project, just in my heart wanted to be a theater actor. When I frame it that way and think
about like who I'm becoming by the action of making that choice and making that call. I mean, you got
married. I think like choosing who to marry is one of the most, this is in the Obergefell versus Hodges
Supreme Court decision on gay marriage. They say in the Obergefell versus Hodges court case that
choosing who to marry is one of the most incredible acts of self-definition one can take in their life.
And we only have like, we have some that really, really change us fundamentally, but every day you're
kind of making these decisions about who you want to be. And so if I think of it that way,
usually I'm like wanting to push myself into the more expansive place.
Is there a, ever a mourning process that comes after that or like a...
Oh gosh, yes.
Okay. Because it's, it made me emotional when you said that, that is a really beautiful way to say
your decision is in service of who you are becoming.
Yes.
But you have to let things go in order to become who you want to become.
I struggle with decisions. I, that's why I've, I've thought so much about it. And I am a pretty
indecisive person, especially when it comes to big decisions. I had a therapist who told me like a lot
of these things that feel completely decisive are not actually, you can take some pressure off of
yourself. Like if you don't like LA, I could just move back in a couple of years. I hate to say this,
but like, even if you're committing to someone, it's like, well, see where you are, like gather
information. And then it's very few things are like permanent. Yeah. Yeah. Which helps me be a little
bit less afraid, but there is, yeah, there, of course there's a grieving process. You definitely
have to let things go. My dad has always been an adventurer. Like what I love about him the most
is that whenever I ask if I can have people over, he's like, yeah, bring them over. Like we're a big
open house. Whenever I asked like, should I, should I do this? Like, should I go on this? He's like,
yeah, go on the trip. My dad has always been incredibly permissive. And then he'll worry about
me later. Like he'll worry about me, but, um, you know, and he has his own like, uh, cut and dry
moments, like moments of being a total stickler. But in general, one of the things that I feel like
he's taught me is like, go, like, go do it, like go experience it. So that feels more important to me
when I'm grieving something or grieving something that I've lost. Like, it's like, no, I'm, I'm going
to learn something new about myself. It's still with you though. I think there, there's more ways to
work around it than we think. If there are so few permanent decisions in life, why is it so hard to
make decisions that are not necessarily permanent? Dude. Cause we're worried about making the wrong one.
I'm just so worried about making the wrong one. But why? Because we're incapable of fixing it or
because I don't know wrong means rejection or maybe it doesn't. I don't know why it is hard.
Yeah. And it's interesting to sit opposite, like another creative where rejection is abundant and
willingly signed up for, you know, to a point where it's like, it just becomes the norm. And we've had
to like psych ourselves into thinking that like, well, the more rejection we get, then the more risks we
took. I don't know why there is fear around making a wrong decision when you can easily remedy it.
Yeah. I guess maybe the remedy doesn't, the remedy doesn't feel as easy as it actually is. It goes back
to the creative state thing. My brain thinks that the more I think about something, the more I will solve it.
Like the more that I think about it, the more opportunity there will be for a solution to arise.
But this year, especially, I'm realizing that just like thinking about something a lot doesn't actually
help all the time. Make it a more informed decision.
Like at some point, sometimes there are just too many unknowns and you have to make a call. It's tough
though. That's really brave though. And I don't know if that leads to more quick decisions or more
instinct following or in tune-ness, but it's clearly working out.
I guess, I don't know. I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants all the time. Like every day,
I'm just like, okay, this is what we're doing today. Like today I'm wearing a bandana and talking
to Walton Goggins. Like I don't know how I ended up here. Like I'm really not sure. I'm learning to
trust my intuition. There's a really good book. I was at a dinner party with Laura Wang. She is a
professor, I think at Harvard, and she just wrote a book on intuition. And I was like, give me this book.
I must listen to this book. And she basically talks about how intuition, we look at it as like,
oh, logic is the right way to go. And intuition is very irresponsible, but there are different types
of problems, right? You can have a simple problem. Like someone has strep throat, the doctor should
prescribe them this medication. And then the problem is solved. The patient no longer has strep throat,
but the more complicated or complex decisions, like I said, there are just too many unknowns.
And so you have to go with your gut a little bit. You have to sort of use your experience. Her argument
is that your intuition is made up of all your previous experiences. And so it's not crazy to
use it or rely on it. A gut feeling often exists for a reason. It's hard for me to suss out as someone
with anxiety. It's hard for me to suss out like, is this a feeling that I should listen to a spidey
sense that I should pay attention to? Or is this something that I should treat as a not important
thought? And like, just because I think something doesn't make it true, et cetera, et cetera.
I need to read that. It wasn't until I went on my endometriosis removal surgery journey that I
realized how connected the body and mind are. Oh, big time. Yeah. So why wouldn't logic and intuition be
connected? Yeah. Like exactly. Intuition is not illogical. It's literally shaped by past logic.
Yes. Exactly. And it feels like the, the hindsight of 2020 lens on all logical decisions made prior to
that moment. Because we're literally just meant to stay like alive. I don't think our intuition after
surviving this long would be like, all right, let's do the one where it ends here. Yes. Like I, I don't
think that's how it works. Yeah. Do you feel like your intuition is playful? Do you feel like your
intuition is a good student? Like how would you describe your intuition? Such a good question.
I, I think I'm like coaxing the play out of her. I don't know. I, I feel like it's taken me. I was
like, yeah, I mean, I was a good student. I was like a, like I did the thing. I got the good grades. Like
I wanted to make my parents happy. I sort of like went to undergraduate school and then went to
graduate school and then graduated and was like, not like what else am I able to achieve concretely? And
then going into this career path is just a disaster because it's like not the success is so not linear
in any way, shape or form. Like there's a general trend of like moving forward. But yeah, I, I, I think
my intuition is, uh, uh, timid, timid, but strong. She's like, uh, she's, she's learning. I feel like
she's, she's maybe nine years old or something, maybe even a little bit older than that. I'm thinking
now for some reason, like every single play I've worked on in the past three years seems to have
some sort of theme of like maturity versus certainty. I feel like when you're a teenager, you are so
certain, but that makes you seem very immature. You know, like the more certain you are, the way a
teenager is like, this is how the world is. And this is what I'm going to be. Yeah. And let me tell
you. Yes. Yes. I know. I don't ask questions cause I know, you know, like, and the more I get older,
like the less, yeah, the less certain I become, but maybe my intuition is like the, it's the reverse
of that in a really interesting way. I don't know. What do you think about yours? What's yours like?
I mean, I've never really thought about it for myself. I just, I thought about it while talking
to you, but mine, I think mine is like a sound where it's like, mm-hmm. Like that's mine. Oh,
I love that. Yeah. I, I'm in this like phase of my career, my life where I'm starting to see,
I'm starting to work with people and started to be represented by people and building a team who are
like, Kate, this makes the most sense in the world. And I'm like, really? Because everyone for the past
couple of years has been telling me that it doesn't make sense. And I try to tell people,
you know, even my closest people, I get so excited. I'm like, this makes sense because of this. And I
see the writing on the wall and I see this. And if you leverage this with this and you do this and
they're like, wow, okay, what are you talking about? But I think that that is a state of probably
meeting your own intuition is not being understood for a long time until what is intangible,
but intuitive to you becomes tangible to other people in a language that makes sense to both of
you. Totally. That's, that's kind of what's just happened with me and my family. I think like in
this career for sure. Yeah. The feeling of like, it's only ever made sense to me. And now finally
it's making sense to them. Maybe that's the intuition part where the, whatever age she is,
but to be like, this is how it is. Maybe finally being understood is what now will allow her like
to chill, to chill a little bit where it's like, yeah, you got what you wanted and you know, and now you
can lean into a different version of yourself because like we've satiated that and then you like
continue. Wow. She's getting into parts work on this podcast. I know. Look at that. Look at us like
separating all the layers. Today, as we were recording this, what does authenticity mean to you?
Authenticity feels like a clear alignment with your own values, like whatever that is.
Being able to kind of like call yourself out on your own bullshit. I mean, it really relates to
acting to me a lot. Like I feel like there are some actors that just cannot lie. They cannot lie in
front. Like Sarah Pidgeon, I think is one of those people. Um, Andrew, who's hot priest, Andrew Scott.
Like they just can't lie. They're so fluid and open. So being honest with yourself about what your
values are and then like living in alignment with that. I think that does tie into the intuition and
letting it lead. Yeah. One of my values is the magic of the universe. It's not really a value,
I guess, but just like a belief in magic. It feels really important to me. Not even, it's not even
spiritual really. It's just like that there's kismet that happens and sparks occur. Being attuned to like
the universe's own heartbeat. Yeah. Yeah. We're kind of all locked in there. The third space. The third
space. Yeah, exactly. Well, thank you so much for coming on today. Thank you so much for having me.
Also, this is so comfy. Her new place is gorgeous. Everyone, you can't see everything, but I can and it
is chic. I'm chic. Thank you. Thank you. I'm settling in and I can't wait to have you over.
Let's do it. Continues to get settled. Thank you. Thanks, Kate. Awesome.
And those are the latest thoughts. Thank you for sharing your thinking space with me today.
I hope you're continuing on with new questions, answers for now, thoughts and curiosities of your
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